Velveeta Cheese Dip aka Crack Dip

Just returned from fantastic trip to Portland, OR. Spent T-Day w/ friend’s family (thanks Ewolt family – have I finally gotten spelling right after 17 or so yrs?). The dog peeing all over the kitchen & going “around the horn” kitchen table was a very nice touch right before we ate. It was surprising to have the dog take the place of drunk uncle or upset cousin that lost at tackle scramble, but we HAD to have at least one incident didn’t we?

Tip: hey grandma, lay off the walnuts in the yams, they taste like earwax! Just kidding – everything was delicious & was glad to spend holiday w/ people who tolerate me.

Lets move onto the dip-sh*t:

  • 1 block of velveeta (WTF – why is a “cheese type product” 7 bucks. Get a clue, you aren’t even real.)
  • 1 tube of fake sausage, browned a bit & broken up (gimme lean brand) – actually kinda like this more than real since it isn’t as greasy
  • 1 can of Ro-Tel, tomatoes/chilis
  • 2 bags of good tortilla chips (don’t be a cheap ass w/ this – the velveeta is already giving this one a bad name)

Now, you need to steel your nerves & talk to each other once you are all hovering around the crock dipping at will. DO NOT take it personally when your wingman says, “I think you’ve had enough…” & tries to put the bag of chips away.

solo hotel
PBR me asap & then some.

You may need to take a deep breath or go for walk if these scenarios happen:

  • pull bag of chips back out & secertly dip behind everyones back
  • get angry & come off the top of couch w/ a forearm trying to take out family member / friend to get to dip
  • tell everyone else there that it would be a great idea to turn crock on low, just to heat it up, and have a few more dips (they will agree, believe me – I’ve been there) YOU – look in mirror – you are an enabler & not to be trusted & a serious asshole

This is amazing & dangerous. Trust me, you need to drink a lot (beer, gin & tonics or champagne) to push this somewhat fromage roadblock out. Enjoy.

Sorry forgot to take any photos except for a romantic evening liquid courage package, that I was going to spend alone in a 2 star hotel in P-town. You can kind of guess what happen to the conditioner.

Crock the Cheese dammit.


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