Totally Guilt Free & A Lot of Work

This adventure started out odder than most, but I learned a few things in the process.

vann in snuggie eating food
vann in snuggie eating food

I was asked by a friend to make meat, gluten, nut, egg, etc. free crock. I reviewed recipes & decided upon Ratatouille.

Lots of veggies & shopping led me to a couple making out in the produce section. I attempted to pull my phone out to take a nice pict of them actually swappig spit near the onions, but alas, I was too late. Seriously folks. I’ve seen a bunch of collards or a comely cucumber that got my juices flowing, but this was beyond weird – hell, I even smiled & said hello. Ehwee, find a room or ask me to join in.

What the hell is in this shitty dish:

2 md eggplant (peeled & cut in 1×1 cubes)
4 md zucchini (asked for peeled , but I like the skins on these | sliced)
2 cloves minced garlic (I suggest 4+)
2 onions diced
3 colored bell peppers
8oz mushrooms, crimini
1 can tomoatoes w/ juice (I went ol’ school & blanched 4 md tomatoes & diced up – its fun to take the skin off)
2 tbsp sea salt
3 tbsp olive oil
1 tbsp hrebes de provence
2 tbsp pepper
1/2 cup chopped parsley
1/2 cup chopped basil

So, it seems like you just toss all this crap together, hell no! Check it out:

  1. cut up eggplant & put in colander
  2. put salt all over this & toss
  3. let sit for 1hr
  4. after 1hr, rinse the eggplant w/ cold water
  5. it said press eggplant w/ tea towel to get moisture out – who owns a tea towel? I just used regular dish towel
  6. pull out enough foil to contain eggplant, drizzle w/ olive oil, wrap up in foil & cook for 15 mins @ 350 in oven
  7. remove once done & put in crock (note to self: use a towel & don’t grab hot pan w/ bare hand)
While you were doing that amazingly fantastic task you should also be heating up pan to:
  1. add zucchini (w/ some oil – if you don’t know to put oil in pan before adding some food – go to freezer & make yourself a hot pocket)
  2. cook on md/hi for 3 mins
  3. add onion & garlic
  4. add herbes de provence, salt, pepper
  5. cook for a few
  6. add mushrooms
  7. cook all until a bit browned – all in all, about 10 mins
  8. transfer to a bowl & put in fridge – trust me on this
So…
  1. add the tomato concoction to pan you’ve cooked other stuff in
  2. bring to boil – once it boils stop
Pour tomato stuff over eggplant in the crock
Cook on low for 6hrs – NOTE @ hr 5 – add zucchini mixture you saved (you saved it right?) & the 3 cut up bell peppers – this way these veggies stay solid & not a bunch of mush.
Since this was a non fun dish I served w/ gluten free cous cous w/ a tad bit of dill. Would have loved to sop this up w/ some amazing bread.
king of crock
king of crock

I’m sure at this point you’ve gotten the hint that this did not turn out like an amazing pork dish – it is veggies w/ close to zero grease, salt, deep frying, twinkies or anything that makes for a good meal.

Needless to say – it was not a total bust.
Pros: lots of real veggies cooked
– free of a lot of crap, eggplant turned out almost like meat which I hadn’t had happen before – so I learned something
– kid said it was better than one the ex tried to make
– this smelled freaking amazing
Cons: kinda bland
– although not tasteless, just wanted to dump a lot of salt on it, but held back
– when watching a football game no one hi 5’s you for your restraint on taste & gives kudos for keeping it real…healthy.
I’ll keep on trying as you can’t win them all.
Next time: I really want to try some lamb/greek. Any suggestions? I’d even go so far as to to sacrifice the lamb myself & paint bloody pentagram on chest while simmering.

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